Dining Out with Ray & Dave Davies of The Kinks

Dining Out with Ray & Dave Davies of The Kinks

The date is April 1968. I, and The Giddy Statues are officially, and legally dissolved as a band. I am now a solo act. This night, I had performed as supporting act for THE KINKS. My career looked like a dark abyss: no record contract and cancelled shows due to poor ticket sales. The Kinks career was also on a fast downward slide to failure.

After tonight’s concert, Ray Davies, Dave Davies and I went to THE INFECTIOUS COCKNEY: a diner of ill repute, but with very reasonable prices. Me mum worked the night shift at times for extra money. I invited Ray and Dave to the diner as my guest, so we can get an after-gig bite to eat.

I saw me Mum taking orders, rushing around this sleazy dinner serving all sorts of gruff customers. This broke my heart: I wanted to be a rock star and buy her a house.

We sat down at an old table, me Mum took our order: grilled cheese, baked beans, chips, and a nice, properly made, pot of tea for all of us.

I pondered, aloud: “If there are Parallel Universes I hope there’s one where I’m a rich, super rock star, and me Mum doesn’t have to work and is living in a house of her own”.

Dave chimed in some verbiage about the quantum mechanics of THE MANDELA EFFECT. I tried to follow, but got lost when he said, “Quantum computer.” What computer? I still used my old typewriter.

Our food and beverages arrived at our table; Ray and Dave liked me Mum. She was similar to their Mum: always busy, never complaining, hard working, and very loving.

Suddenly Dave reaches across the table to get one of Ray’s chips: Ray plunges a fork into Dave’s arm. There’s Dave, not knowing what to do, looking at the fork impaled in his forearm.

I tried to console him by stating: “Dave, maybe in another Universe, you and Ray get along really well. And there’s no fork impaled in your arm.”

“Well I’m in THIS bloody Universe! And it hurts! I’ll get back at him!”

The gruff customers didn’t even blink an eye. They were rough, working men and “working girls” of the night, so they’ve pretty much seen it all. Nothing much fazes them.

“Dave,” I continued, “Very little is known of Parallel universes”.

“Yes, I know” says Dave, “Yikes, this is getting very bloody.”

“And very little of this is at all comprehensible to anyone below the level of Advanced God.” I took a sip of tea, and continued.

“One encouraging thing to say on the subject of Parallel universes is that you don’t stand a chance of understanding IT. You can therefore say, ‘What’ and ‘Eh?’ and even go cross-eyed and start to blither without fear of making a fool of yourself”.

I spoke persistently, “The first thing to realize about Parallel universes is that they are not parallel. Please feel free to blither now.”

We did not finish out late night snack. We brought Dave Davies to a nearby hospital to have the fork, skewered in his forearm, removed.

Maybe Dave and Ray get along fantastically in a Parallel universe. It sure isn’t the case in THIS Universe. “Ouch”! I unconsciously yelped as the doctor removed the fork impaled in Dave’s arm.

I still love THE KINKS, no matter how they behave at the dinner table.

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