Category: Stories

Dining Out with Ray & Dave Davies of The Kinks

The date is April 1968. I, and The Giddy Statues are officially, and legally dissolved as a band. I am now a solo act. This night, I had performed as supporting act for THE KINKS. My career looked like a dark abyss: no record contract and cancelled shows due to poor ticket sales. The Kinks career was also on a fast downward slide to failure. After tonight’s concert, Ray Davies, Dave Davies and I went to THE INFECTIOUS COCKNEY: a diner of ill repute, but with very reasonable prices. Me mum worked the night shift at times for extra money. I invited Ray and Dave to the diner as my guest, so we can get an after-gig bite to eat. I saw me Mum taking orders, rushing around this sleazy dinner serving all sorts of gruff customers. This broke my heart: I wanted to be a rock star and buy her a house. We sat down at an old table, me Mum took our order: grilled cheese, baked beans, chips, and a nice, properly made, pot of tea for all of us.

REGGIE BENDER appears on AUSTIN CITY LIMITS

Feb. 4th, 2016 REGGIE BENDER made a TV appearance on AUSTIN CITY LIMITS. Executive Producer of the TV show, Terry Lickona, and PBS knew Bender’s performance might be strange; but they were not prepared for Bender to sing a “lecture” on quantum mechanics, parallel universes, theoretical physics and badly brewed tea.

Memory Rewind: A Closet Full Of Mad Baboons

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April,1978: Reggie begins recording with famous record producer, PHIL SPECTOR. The sessions are extremely intense and exhausting. When Phil Spector comments, “Who made this tea? It’s cold.” Spector is thrown through the large glass window of engineer’s booth. The gun totting record producer, Phil Spector, runs out of the sessions whimpering and terrified of Reggie Bender. Bender is now heavily sedated and kept on medication. Reggie’s psychiatrist is summoned to finish producing the recordings. The album is finally completed with the title, “A CLOSET FULL OF MAD BABOONS”. The record label rejects the album and it remains unreleased. The record label President resigned rather than listen to side 2.

Memory Rewind: Club UFO (1967)

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Oct. 7th, 1967: At Club UFO: DONAVAN (who’s hits include, “Mellow Yellow” and “Sunshine Superman.”) invites Reggie to perform onstage. Bender appears in red Cleopatra makeup, creating songs on the spot to backing from six sitars and a conga drum. Bender, having ingested various psychedelic drugs, has no recollection of this night or how he woke up naked atop the prehistoric monument, Stonehenge.

The Giddy Statues 1965 U.S. Tour with The Who

June, 1965 -The Giddy Statues first American tour: The Giddy Statues tour the USA with THE WHO. During a performance by The Who, Reggie accidentally gets hit over the head by PETE TOWNSHEND’S guitar. The Giddy Statues continue the US tour even though Reggie can only say the word, “Mayonnaise” for the next three weeks.

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The Giddy Statues US tour with JIMI HENDRIX: 1967

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1967 NOV. 17: The Giddy Statues begin US tour with JIMI HENDRIX. NOV. 20: At the Winterland concert Jimi Hendrix lights his guitar on fire. Not to be outdone, when The Giddy Statues take the stage, Reggie lights his trousers on fire. Reggie panics, drops-and-rolls onto a female audience member whose eyebrows are singed. Lawsuits now plague the band. DEC. 28: When The Giddy Statues return to England Reggie Bender becomes more delusional. He announces to Rolling Stone Magazine, “As soon as the walls stop breathing I intend to go solo; oops my left arm just fell off.”

Fattest Bluesman?

Discover what happened in 1964 when Reggie Bender and Keith Richards couldn't agree on who the fattest bluesman was.

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Top Secret Government Video

“THE STRANGER” knocked on my door at 2 a.m. He told me his Earth name was Von Thorpe; claimed he was from Venus and he had been working with our Top Secret US Government since the President Eisenhower administration. An alien dressed as a human: his skin was whiter than white, almost translucent. He had no eyebrows, no eyelashes, dressed in black: black hat, black eyeglasses, and black trench coat. But he did not seem to belong to the intimidating, notorious US Government “Men In Black.” I invited Von Thorpe inside, but he simply handed me a tightly sealed manila envelope. He told me it contained a secret Government videotape that he wanted me to expose to the whole world. I took the envelope; he left without saying goodbye.

One of the Most ROMANTIC SONGS OF ALL TIME

The evening of December 1st, 2015, I was dinning out with my ex-wife. We divorced in 1984, but I had since been missing the last 29 years (kidnapped by The US Military). My wife, Lyndsey, and I still had a few logistics to go over post-divorce. Lyndsey still needed me to sign some documents, and some legal papers about my royalties, etc. She made reservations to meet in a public place, in case I had one of my episodes (otherwise known as “psychotic break”). We met for dinner at “La Sirene”, a very fancy French restaurant in NYC. I signed all the documents she needed me to sign, and then we ordered dinner. As our dinner was served at our table, a song came over the French restaurant’s speaker. The song transcended me beyond my Fennel and Orange Salad with Lemon-Ginger Vinaigrette. I couldn’t even let go of my salad fork: this song transfixed me.

ROCK STARS Do The DUMBEST THINGS

After a show in San Antonio, Texas, an intoxicated BON SCOTT (lead singer: AC/DC) proved what kind of a man he was by drinking a whole bottle of “liquor” in one gulp. Unfortunately, the bottle he downed was a bottle of aftershave. GREG ALLMAN married Cher. Cher broke up with the Allman brother after Greg passed out face first into a plate of spaghetti at an Italian restaurant. In 1986, BJORK smashed the windows of a Reykjavik disco “because it was full of boring people.”